Another soppy story;)

“You should definitely wear blue…” was my answer to my wife’s query.I look at myself in the mirror.The thinning mane..and hair on my ears…I tried to tuck in my potbelly..and decided that I should hit the gym..I was decidedly looking like a pig

My wife looked pretty in her blue silk saree and I wondered for the nth time..why she ever agreed to marry me!

 

I shrugged off the feeling of discomfort and looked into the mirror and mentally told myself that I am a married man now..I should not worry about something which happened years ago!and then I gave myself a smile and walked out..my hand around my wife’s waist.

 

Its about ten kms to the wedding hall.We get in our car…and lo! we are on our way.

 

It was 1998..and well,I was 21 and was very foolish.That was no excuse for what I did..but a man has to find excuses to forgive himself.If not, it becomes impossible to lead a sane life.

I was young,confident..smart..and was sure that the whole world was under my feet.

Not that I was a proud or anything..just a guy happy with his life!

 

And then I met shruthi.She was my junior…and hmm,how do I say this without sounding like a braggart…she had a major crush on me.

I felt flattered…a lot.In fact, enough to convince myself that I felt the same way about her.We sat in the canteen for hours talking about all innane things;

Man! this traffic …

She used to look at me with such adoring eyes…and I woul feel my heart swell with pride.I wanted to impress her..always match up to that image of me she had..I wanted to be her hero..her savior..her interpretation of perfection.

I need not have worried..or even tired.She was simply blind to my faults..

Why cant people drive with thier eyes open?

 

Dont get me wrong.Shruthi was not dumb..infact she was very smart.But its sometimes the way with inexperienced hearts…the first time you fall for someone…you go all the way..there is absolutely no holding back.

She was not much of a looker but was very intelligent, funny and she made me laugh.

I am guessing it would take us few more mins to get there..

We came to be known as an “item” in the college..then progressed to being a “couple”.It never progressed to anything physical…we always met in the canteen..talked for hours…went home and called up and again spoke.

She was too shy and I didn’t want to take it further.

Why do they play such dumb songs on the radio?!

After two years..when I was in final year..we were having a “pal talk” among guys..and they suddenly spoke about being in love and asked me how I felt.

I took a sip of beer and casually replied “how the hell am I to know!”..and then I realized what I had said…there was a moment of awkward silence and everbody pretended that the whole thing never happened.

 

I should get my car serviced..its already been close to 5 months!

 

I went home confused,ashamed..frustrated and many other things..I dont recall.I tossed and turned around and my morning I knew I had to break up with her.. that is,if she had any impression that I was in love with her..I should clarify my stand.She was not my kind.My ego liked her..but my heart was not in it.

I always wanted a prettier gal for myself..and she was not the shy kind of girls I liked,She was too outgoing.I tried finding faults with her just to convince myself that I was doing the right thing.

I didn’t know how I was to go about it.I hated being a coward.A part of me wanted to love her..just not to hurt her..and the other just wanted to get out of the situation.

So I did what any normal coward would do…I simply avoided her.Stopped talking to her.didnt answer her calls.I felt like a heel..but couldnt find the courage to go tell her.

I hated myself…and then slowly the news spread that I had dumped her.After that,it was a perfect nightmare.

Once I saw her crying in an empty class room..head bent on the benches…and I almost went and asked for her forgiveness.

I dont know what held me back.I just stood there,near the door and listened to her sobs..the sounds of which would torment me for many years.

 

Shit!I think I missed a turn…

 

 

Somehow after that day..she didn’t try to talk to me..and she seemed to cope with her life.I left the

college…and joined a company ;and then my life was like any normal man’s life.but for the rare nightmares about a sobbing gal.

After some time,my parents started searching a gal for me and they found Anu.She seemed like everything I ever wanted..and we got married.

And till now I have been a really happy man.

 

Now,this stupid marriage makes me go on this flashback.A close friend’s wedding.The bride was Shruthi’s classmate..and Shruthi was sure to be there.

I would be seeing her after so many years..and I don’t know how I was to respond…whether to walk up to her and speak..or smile..or simply ignore!

 

 

As I guided his Anu into the mantap..I saw her.In a cream saree…she was there welcoming people.She looked ravishing.She had changed.Gone were the girlish looks..the pimples..and the awkward grin.

Standing in front of me was a smart confident woman..with a smile which could be used instead of a stungun.I felt paralyzed.

She looked at Anu..smiled and gave her a rose…and said in the most cultivated voice “please make yourself comfortable”.

 

As I nodded and walked past ,I realized that she had not recognized me!!!She seemed happy..and nothing llike that sobbing girl

I was relieved and offended at the same time..

Relived that I had not wounded a person for life as I had imagined…but I confess that her happy face hurt my ego.

Had he meant so little to her!!!!

She didn’t even recognize..no recognition springing into her eyes..just indifferent smile given to a stranger!

I was aware of her movements..she moved around talking to people..smiling..and helping around..

We walked up to the married couple..wished them good luck and stood like clowns for the usual pic.

She is now talking to Venky… “Maga..sumne halkisistha idaane!”

 

After that I saw a bunch of my friends..and we all did the usual recollection of how wonderful our college days were…rarely do we guys speak about anything else..Were our current lives so pathetic that we had to take a walk thru the memory lane every time we met?

 

After dinner we said our goodbyes to everyone and made to depart. the man who walked out of the mantap was a diff man..than the one who came in. The weight of guilt had lifted from my shoulders..but my ego had only one thing to ask “Did I matter so less?”

———————————————-

Back in the mantap,Shruthi and her friends were having coffee before packing up.

Her friend said “Did you even look at him..he has become hideous…God!Shruthi you were lucky!”

Shruthi with a far away look..remembered the way his jaw had dropped in the evening when he saw her ..smiled wistfully and said..”yes,he looks like a pig! I was lucky”

Shruthi was finally free…