it’s all in the mind!

Shivlingi walked into the veranda and sat down with a sigh…She had just cleaned the cow shed and a smile hovered on her lips- a smile of a job well done. She felt tired…but, she had to still make mudde for her husband. She sighed and got up and went into the kitchen.

She could listen to the mooing of the cows and the smell of jasmine wafted delicately through the windows; the dough of ragi felt nice and warm below her hands, as she sprinkled some hot water and began kneading again.

Her unconscious humming of some old folk song welcomed Mahadevu into the house.

The happy note in her voice momentarily dispelled the frown knotting his brow. He came in washing his hands from the tap to sit beside his wife who was churning buttermilk. She smiled at him ,her eyes tired but her smile still genuine. He felt a pang of guilt. She shouldn’t be working herself so hard. He was unable to provide her with anything…no riches, not much jewelry..not much comforts..just a hand to mouth existence.…

He looked at her vibhuthi-ed forehead and wanted to bend it over and kiss her. But then he abruptly walked outside of the house…quite overcome by helplessness. If only he had more money, he could have kept his wife happy!

The power went off. Shivlingi already had the lantern ready. This was a routine thing and it didn’t bother her… but it never failed to irk Mahadevu. He resented the fact that the villagers had to bear the brunt of this power shortage, so that the lazy people in the cities would not miss their serials! He wished he could go there…leave everything behind…the smelly cows, the dry land..the mortgage on the small house..he wished he could take his pretty wife..dress her in the best of sarees and take her for a trip to Vidhana soudha.

When she called him for dinner..he was indulging in a flight of fancy…where they were driving in Bangalore in their own car.

Her eyes looked luminous in the lantern light..He could not convince himself that she was happy in such dire conditions. After the sumptuous meal they took out a jute mat to the porch and he lied down whereas she sat beside him. The sky looked star-studded..and Shivlingi could not have imagined anything more beautiful. She was a village girl..her needs-very less…she was alien to the idea of being romanced or wooed…but her heart told her that there was magic in the air. She was immersed in drinking in the beauty of the moment..when Mahadevu was sulking in the memory of the new mobile Pandu had bought. He was tired of this life… Surely,Shivlingi wanted more from life! was this even a life they were leading?!

If at that time Mahadevu had taken a glimpse into the secret world of shivlingi he would have known that her picture of heaven would be complete only if he were to stop frowning….and a happier person than Shivlingi would be hard to find.

The other side of the pasture:

As she turned off the curb, there was a smile on Shivaangi’s lips-the smile of a job well done. She was tired..but at least she was able to get out of the office soon. But the smile died a silent death when she saw the traffic on Hosur road. She could not believe that of all the days, today there should be a traffic jam. It would take her at least two hours before she reached home. The traffic was at a standstill. She turned down the engine and looked outside. She could only see people like her getting frustrated at the helplessness of the situation. Angry tears threatened flow down her cheeks. She called Mahesh to let him know about the traffic jam. He told her about having heard of some lorry break down and asked her not to worry. All her plans of taking a hot bath and spending some time with Mahesh were dashed because some lorry had broken down on Hosur road.Oh, what cursed luck! Mahesh would be disappointed again…She had been too busy after the transition into the new department. But he had been patient with her..never the one to complain, he would always accommodate. She hated herself, she hated this life. She looked outside-the dust, the pollution..the plethora of vehicles..like a swarm of bees. She felt claustrophobic..and wondered whether earning more.. all the luxuries..were worth it..if could not spend some time with one’s spouse!

She wished that they could buy a farm in some remote village and live happily..She decided that her idea of heaven is a place very far from Hosur road. Mahesh would be home now and she was pretty sure totally disappointed in her.

The Mahesh in question at that minute had just reached home and was brewing himself a strong cup of coffee. Their alsatian, Raul nuzzled under his feet and he turned on the TV and sat slouched on the couch..watching a DVD of soccer match re-runs. He had the dinner all ready and he had arranged the candles-after the traffic jam, Shivaangi deserved a candlelight dinner. He smiled at himself. What a perfect life! A pretty ,smart wife…a great home..in a great city-over that, time enough to watch soccer games again and again. He absolutely loved

his life. He worked in a smaller company than Shivaangi and he loved the hustle bustle of his life…the energy in such existence.

Shivaangi reached home after two hours, harassed by her own feeling of life being unfair, with a desire to escape it all!Mahesh gave her a warm hug and told her that the dinner was waiting. She looked at him and wondered how lucky she was. She was making him unhappy..this city life was messing their marriage.

She wondered whether he was unhappy with her. He seemed content which surprised her..but then may be he was just good at hiding his feelings. Mahesh,unconscious of her train of thoughts was blissfully lighting the candles.

If at that time Shivaangi had taken a glimpse into the secret world of Mahesh she would have known that his picture of heaven would be complete only if he could wipe off the tired look from his pretty wife….and a happier person than Mahesh would be hard to find.